We have all had our "stories" to tell about our lives to grow up. Some have had fun loving children since they had a home mom who had homemade cookies ready for them as they entered the school, cleared their clothes ready for the day and the dinner put on the stove. Dads came home, everyone told the table and used a delicious meal that my mother had prepared, and while dinner dishes were cleaned, the children could tell their father that day. Some had parents who encouraged them, helped them with their homework after dinner and spent time with their children for the next day. You know, one of the "Leave It For Beaver" Type Families. Then there were those who were my only parents for one reason or another … usually divorce or death. Or what about those living with alcoholic or addictive parents who were not really "parents" at all. The kids were basically on their own, raising themselves, conquering themselves and making it the most of a bad situation.
I do not know why I'm sharing this now. I'm just sorry to let someone out there know you're not alone! That you can live a normal life. I have been molested by 4 different men ages 8-14. But, Lord God Himself, led me through all of this. I have been redeemed and washed by the Lord's blood. I no longer need to live in my molestation who takes responsibility for me anymore.
I was one of these kids who had their own "unique" circumstances when I grew up. My parents divorced me when I was 7 years old because my dad moved out when I was 5. I was the oldest of our three. We moved to small towns to live close to my grandfather, my mother's parents. We moved from Greater Metropolis Denver, CO, to the small town of Julesburg, CO. First, when I was younger, I made my life time my friend with the girl who lived on the street from my grandfather and grandfather and # 39; s house. This was the summer for our 2nd grade school year. At that time, our life seemed to be quite "natural" to play children or pretend to be teachers at school or to build antlers …
But my life has taken place many things that made me like me today. I can not tell you what my life was like justice! There are so many more stories I could tell you! For one we moved and lived in 27 different places since I became 7-18. I went to 11 schools at the age of 12. I think what's happening to us often brings me an idea that "I can make friends better soon because we knew we're moving and I have to go." I believe my sister took the theory that "why are you making friends because we were moving anyway." And my brother, well, being a boy, keeping friends was not so big in a deal, and he made friends rather easy, but it was not as much a matter for him as it were us girls.
When I was 8, my mother started dying a Japanese farmer in our area and soon joined the nickname Kinoshita. As you can imagine, our 3 children really enjoyed that name at that time by deliberately saying it, Kin-O-Shit-A. Mean, right? Well, this is the first time I think I'm a sexual abuse. After dinner, my mom would go to the kitchen to wash the dishes in his house, and our 3 children and her boyfriend would lie on the floor to watch television. Well her dear would use this time to "rub my stomach." Now I was 8, so I had to tear my pot after dinner, seemed very strange to me, but I thought okay I suppose this is normal? It made me uncomfortable, but my mom said he was just trying to be good. Okay, so nice it was … I guess ?? But then, the stomach upsets turned into "roaming fingers" and climbed a little higher and a little higher. Soon my nose will be breastfeeding. Imagine now, I had barely started to develop, but still had enough that made me incredibly uncomfortable! My mom had said she really wanted this marriage because he was financially well away, and so every night it went, I tried to keep myself busy with my homework so we did not have to lie on the floor and watch TV, but somehow he kept me in there and my mom had told us several times that she did not want this relationship to be offered to our children. Then I kept my mouth shut, until one day, on my way home from school, I left everything out for my friend. She left home and talked to her mom. I did not know what they were talking about, because her parents only spoke Spanish, so I did not think much about it. However, her mom, having heard what was happening, assured me they were there for me and that this was something I had to talk to my mom about right away. So with my friends and mom sitting there, I called my mom and told her what had happened. I do not know much how it was actually said between my new friend and her new friend, but I know she broke up with him. However, my mom's mom told me he was a policeman but her mother said it was meaningless to call the police because "he was so rich he could have town, so no one would believe you anyway. Be his word against you, "she said. So life continued as "normal". Okay, normal as usual might be.
Then my mom met my younger boy who could come over in the morning and stay with us when she went to work at. 6:00 am at the train station and departed at 6:00 pm from work night shift there, and would be with our three children for the day, as our "baby carriage". Oh, he was nice, would make us breakfast, take us to school or in the park to play the playground and chase around the house and play punch monsters. But when he first came home to the house this morning, instead of climbing into my mom's bed to sleep for a while, he would climb my bed with me. Why? Well, they were "roaming" again. From that time, these fingers went up and down. I was 9, and he was 21. What did I have at this age, which was so enticing anyway? I had not even started physical development for goodness !!! It usually took a couple of weeks. I told my mom, but she thought that since I had gone through it with her captain, I should have something I did to encourage these guys. "So, even though he stopped watching us, I remember he was dead. I did. I could not help myself I just wanted him dead so he could never do that again! A few months later, while He was working at the electricity company, and his partner decided to start drinking a little beer for lunch. Well, Curtis had climbed the pole to work on certain wires that caused them trouble and was the battery. He fell from the pole, and his companion, to have drank, was not functional enough to give him a mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. I knew that was all I did! I had prayed and asked him to die and he had. You see, it was all my fault. .. I'd liked it and prayed for it. I just knew it was my fault. I thought guilty for many years later. Someone was dead and it was all to blame me.
Then we had family friends, whom we had been friends with him and his wife for many years. Indeed, most of the time, we loved to move to his house. She was like accepting a mother to our children and we could convince her husband to come play games with us, read stories etc. You should have heard he read one of the Dr. Seuss books again! It was a riot! And it was a thread to read it from the front back, let's read it again in front! And we used to love to play him in asking for a big computer at Burger King! So, unnecessary to say, we want to cross their house often. Usually, however, I got a big bed with her wife because we always slept well before he did, and he struck the couch when we were or on the slopes of the bedroom. His wife would usually send me in to wake him when it was time for us to come up every morning. That's when these famous "roaming people" would start roaming again. I was 10 to 12 in most of the time. But, without telling my mom, (remember how she decided last time I should be the one to seduce these "men") that's enough, there must be something about me and once again I was to blame .
We have moved back as we had done many times before and we did not see them as often as we had before. It was at the beginning of our 8th grade, so I was in one school there in Jr. High, and suddenly we went to CO and went for a good day. My mom had broken up with a trucker boy she was dating, a real candy boy who used to put a candle in a circle in our basement and call the spirits from Mojave Dessert. So we packed up as soon as we got home from school that day, only took our very important possessions (and I mean very few), and our cats and loaded up a small U-haul trailer and we kept out without being exactly in mind. My mom suggested IA, so we continued west. We ended up in Council Bluffs and out of money. So, this is where we decided to stay.
Of course, we have changed school at least and we still started at another school in Council Bluffs, but we lived in a single room cabin with 2 double beds, one bathroom, a crock pot for fire and three cats . We started at one school but were "poor children" and did not fit well. But again, we moved. This time it was good. I started in the 9th grade, but in different schools. This school was much better, far more acceptable, much less courtroom and important, and we were not rated as "college" here.
I was finally 14 at this time. Last year before I got started in elementary school. I was so excited! I finally got to grow up, started to wear make up, decide my hair and think about the big "B" word … BOYS !!! We were living in a house quite close to school, so it was within walking distance. My mom was back working for one of the cars that stopped nearby. But the money was dense, so my mom bought a driver car home to live with us to pay the bills. Well, this guy was 28. My mom worked all night on the truck and Terry would be home most nights and running for days mostly. Well, Terry immediately took me. I just watched me, I was just 14 years old. My sister and I shared a bedroom, my brother had one to our left and across the hall was a Sue room (girl / lady in the early 20s from Indiana), someone whom Terry had found for a walk one day on her way outside the town and came to Our house to stay with us too. Then there was one person to pay the bills. But to get to the bathroom we had to walk through a little corridor and we had to go through the Sue room to get there. Then on the left was a bathroom, and then right was a terry bedroom. My mom was on the hill. Between the bathroom and Terry's bedroom was another door. The door locked from the terry side of the room, but not from the room in the bathroom. Well that evening, when Terry thought all our kids were asleep in bed, he would come into my room, and once again, after the night, these famous "roommates" were another boy, starting to travel. He would come in with a condom on, already ready for what I think he had hoped for. He would ask me to put something "sexy". I did not have anything "sexy" because I was 14 years old and "sexy" was not something I was thinking about at this point in my life. Heck, just getting my taste to look good this morning and curling my hair for school was as "sexy" as it was. His finger rang places that I did not know. I used to pray: "Please sir, let him think I'm really sleeping and going tonight." Or I pray: "Please, sir, let my sister wake up so she will make enough noise or something he walks away and leave me alone." He never walked to the stage where we really needed a full lasting sex on me, but overnight after the night we went through this ritual. Evening by night he would go back to his room, and I would disgustingly cry to sleep. Evening by night I wish my sister would please just wake up, just this once. But she never seemed, or I thought, until many years later when I realized she was afraid to let us know she was awake. I can not teach her for it. I wish I might think that he stopped me too, but that was not the case.
Well one day, Sue had asked me to go for a walk with her to speak. So I did it. She started telling me that Terry would come into her room almost every night and make these "things" for her, ask her to "put something in a sexy way" and "her fingers" would start to wander with her too . came out … i solved what he had been doing to me too. entice guys like this. Well, Sue, knowing how young I was, ended up telling my mom after all. So much he could not resist wanting to love me. "" Well, my mom told him to pack up and get out of our house. "We went to my friend's house for a few days while moving out and because they were one holiday and had to be home and take care of their pets. So we are there for 3 nights and 4 days to return to "normal" again Sue and I felt so much peace to have him gone. Then one day, a week later, my mom told me she had to go to the truck because Terry wanted to talk. When she returned, she said that Terry had convinced her that he did what he did "because he loved me "and she said there was a small price to pay as he offered to help pay even more of the bills we had. Then he let him return home to us. In the first week or two he was very polite, broke out my chairs when we went downstairs and demanded that I buy me to school so he could kiss me every day to "let people know I was his . "At this point, I tried to convince me, maybe he really loved me and that I should be proud and smiling that someone 28 years old would like me, 14 years old.
Well a few weeks left and things had gone back as they were. My mother would go to work all night, and Terry would return to my room at night, with a condom in his hand, and his steering wheel would once again wander up and down, up and down. The words he spoke made me sick. And every night, it was the same, I'd be sick to cry myself to sleep because I could no longer handle this at my age, and I had fun at school, looking forward to my high school years, dancing, proms, sporting events, etc. But instead, I would not see the future. One day I had enough and could not help it anymore, I know my mom wanted and needed the money, but I could not pretend to be okay anymore. I was not. I wanted to die. Yes, truly die! If it had not been for the Lord to set up a certain girl at school, which soon became my best friend and scienceist, whom I will never forget and always be grateful for, I could end it there. But God obviously had other plans for me. Just when I thought he'd left me alone, he gave me a friend and a man who was not only my teacher but the one who knew me very much, who knew I was going through something terrible at home, waving me a pity, more time when I could not concentrate on my projects, and someone who could make me laugh. I needed it. It came back to the hope that all men did not just want me for sex. These older men were not all pervers, and that God had put him in my life, as my teacher, just in time.
Today, by the grace of God, forgiveness and compassion, I have forgiven my blood of the lamb, the Lord Jesus himself. The one who died on this cross many years before, so that I can live eternally. The one who let me out of the darkness and back into the light. The one who took away all the evil and distrust of man. I thank God that, although I had to suffer through these terrible times, I learned that it was not me to blame that one boy had been battery and died. This part of what these four men did to me as a child, I was taught.
The man also says: "If this really happened to Kelly, I think I should protect her more." If this happened? IF?!?! There is no question that they did me! My sister once told her she knew it to be a fact because she was often in my bed, as we always got a bedroom while growing up. I no longer assume that my mother will always be responsible for what I went through. I know now. I know I have to forgive her so that Christ can forgive me for my sins. But it is true, and only by God's grace, that I am still here today. It is my prayer that maybe just this testimony will help others who have gone through something similar or worse, hoping for Jesus Christ. You are not alone. It is NOT to teach you. Give him it, as his shoulder is strong enough to take it away and let you walk freely in his love.
* Names of people have been changed to protect those who were involved.